This is one of those topics that’s just hard for me to admit. As a youngin’ I cheated at board games, particularly Chutes and Ladders. Does anyone remember that? Well maybe not those of you who are under the age of 23. I was caught, on video, cheating at the game and of course I was winning. I was cunning at a young age and maybe that explains why I am the way I am today. In this particular video, I was playing against my younger brother. I would estimate that I was about six and he was four. The rules of the game say you go down the Chutes and up the Ladders. Basically I went up or down a chute or ladder as I saw fit. Not only that, when it came to my brothers turn, I adjusted his pieces for him so most of the time he inconveniently slide down ladders and up chutes to suit my liking. I did insert a positive ladder climb for him here or there just to keep him from quitting. Oh how he adored me and believed anything I said. It was sick actually. I have no idea why my mom did not make an attempt to set things right. She just let us play and filmed away.

Unfortunately, my brother had to grow up under my bad influence. As I watched the video, I can’t believe he has a self-esteem now that I look back on it. I cant believe I had a conscience. My cheating disease was so bad I even cheated at Twister. ”How does one cheat at Twister?” I can hear you asking. Well for an experienced pro at the age of 5, I found a way. You just move your hand off the dot when no one is looking. It was as simple as that. Or if my body touched the mat I wouldn’t tell anyone. Yes I was naughty. Could be the reason I got spanked so much. Which leads directly into my next point, (not that I had a next point but it just came to me). PARENTAL ABUSE (notice I said PARENT, and not child). As a deviant child, I always found ways to “Get my parents back.” I hated getting punished. The words “well behaved” weren’t in my vocabulary and to this day I still like to antagonize my friends kids and then pretend like I wasn’t doing anything when they have a hyper response and their parents only catch them.

In one particular instance, I can’t recall what I did to be put in my room, but I wasn’t going to have any of it. This was of course before rooms were equipped with computers, cell phones and game stations. This is when children were stuck having to use their imagination and play with rubber bands, paper clips, buttons and lint. Well I was a lucky child. I had something called Lock-Blocks, they are like today’s version of Legos only these were made out of wood. The real name of the toy was Lincoln Logs but I called them Lock-Blocks because I thought I knew everything.

So, I got sent to my room for some small thing I am sure. Well I wasn’t going to let my parents get the better of me even if I was 4. I walked around my room plotting and pondering how to get my parents back from where I stood. Then my eyes made contact with the Lock-Blocks and I suddenly realized I had to go. What a perfect toilet seat the Lock-Block container made and imagine that, the blocks were still inside. I did what any angry kid would do, I went and pee-d in my Lock-Blocks and the wood soaked it up really well. I was so proud of myself, but then I realized my plan was flawed. It wouldn’t be worth anything unless I told my mom. With my chin in the air and my head held high I walked out of my room and into the kitchen. I just waited for mom to ask if I’d cleaned my room and I proudly announced that I had not but “I pee-d in my Lock-Blocks!” Eh, lets just say mom was not happy and I got spanked harder then I ever have in my life. After that I never “got my parents back” again. Please don’t pee in your Lock-Blocks kids, its only fun for a while, and your butt feels it for weeks.

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